Humor Aficionados Gifts

Don't mess with Connecticut

"I try to keep my coffee buzz going till the Martini buzz kicks in."

Zen Kitty

Live, laugh, love

"I'm walking the sloth. See you all in a week."

Tarzan & Jane Take Up Square Dancing

"Give me a minute, this is my first time haunting a walk-up."

'They squared the wagons. Can they DO that?'

Pavlov's Dog.

Airplane Seatbelts

'Ready with the implants, nurse?'

'See? I told you he was real.'

'We have one or two reservations about your application to adopt.'

'Trick-or-upgrade.'

Short sighted pirates being turned away from a Pilates class.

'Uh-Oh. . . Got a flat!'

'I stopped to smell the flowers. Where's my inhaler?'

Naked Morris Dancers.

Video Horse Shoes.

"Why am I being trained on obsolete equipment?"

"...that isn't your Porsche ignition key. You got that off a tin of corned beef."

'Mom... he said dam again!'

"Aren't you getting a little too attached to the lab animals?"

'Remember that summer we coached little league?'

"Well, there goes the neighborhood."

'Seven birthday cakes a year is playing havoc with your cholesterol.'

"Well son - they're orthoducks."

Taken By Surprise

'Been waiting long?'

Stormy weather

'I know my husband and there's no point arguing with him about how fast he was going when he's drunk.'

'What did you say, dear? -- I wasn't listening.'

Bookie by Merry-Go-Round.

Relax compadres. They don't call it the swine flu no more!

Cat Taking Cat Nip Drugs.