Humor Enthusiasts Gifts

"There you are. I've been looking all over for you."

The Crossroads of Wisdom: Past Mistakes, Future Gambles and Listen to Your Wife.

You can't smell an online profile...

'We may well be looking at the straw that broke the camel's back.'

"Anything to declare, aside from personal bankruptcy?"

'The secret of life has been unknowable ever since we assigned it to a committee.'

Need Grooming Money Please Help.

'Well, I guess window washing is not my chosen career!'

"Tell him to fetch his own damn slippers."

"If you want to be more like Mom and Dad, kids, you've got to start pounding down those Shirley Temples."

"Eww! -- Is that the only color bandage you have?"

Worried Too Much. Worries Too Little

Sure, it helps to be a blood-sucking parasite, but that's not all it takes to be a stockbroker...

'My mother was a real bitch!'

'Book me a Greek holiday - I want to break plates!'

"Atilla the DMV employee"

Text message: You have lettuce in your teeth.

"I was going to sue the neurosurgeon, but then he changed my mind."

"You might fake an illness at home, but here, only a fever makes her a believer."

Farmacy - 'I can't read your doctor's chicken scratch. I'm sure the pharmacist can, though.'

'Some of these are not birth marks...they're age spots.'

What men and women see when they look in the mirror.

Non-Profit-Organization

Nancy Drew Mysteries - The Later Years

Plastering the cracks.

'Studies show that most boys my age don't like to read. Who am I to tamper with statistics?'

'What proof do we have there is a DOG?'

"It feels like people are always trying to avoid me."

The Knee-jerk reaction committee.

'Unexpected victory.'

'Cricked Neck Clinic' sign says 'Out to Lunch' hung sideways for patients to read.

'I guess I don't need to ask how your new hip is working out.'

'You're both so qualified, so I've decided, this only fair way to choose a new secretary - whoever can grab this banana first!'

Birds: in hand - $1.50, in bush - $.75, a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.

Annual Run For Your Life 10 K.