Comedy Enthusiasts Gifts

"You hugging me? Are you hugging me? I don't see anyone else here... YOU HUGGING ME??"

Boy plugging dyke has water coming out of his his ear.

'We'd better patent this, so the homo sapiens can't steal it from us, like they did with the fire.'

'Not scared yet? Just wait until I get to Chapter 11!'

'You're deliberately putting yourself at risk of ill health by being over 65...'

"They're all sons of bitches."

"Why are we British so obsessed ... with talking about the weather?"

"OK! I promise that the questions will be easy!"

'Can I call you back?'

Complete Physical.

Man watching a flower slowly wilt, and just as its about to die he waters it

'ok, who threw that?'

"The great thing about the ball taking place on Zoom is that you can wear sweatpants."

"You feel awkward? You're the one who said we ought to hunt bare"

'Don't worry! Since 28% of my salary goes to the government, I've decided to work 72% of the time!'

'The good news is, you haven't lost water pressure.'

Eye Test for Doctor

'Bad news. You have to start wearing sensible shoes.'

His prayers were finally answered ? with a question.

"Not sure how much longer we can live off the proceeds from your gold tooth."

'Look on the bright side. It adds a cool echo effect to your bark.'

A snowplough throwing up pets and toys

God has chose me to talk to you about superannuation

'I know my husband and there's no point arguing with him about how fast he was going when he's drunk.'

'I'm granting your divorce and ordering you both be released back into the wild.'

"To finance an ark that size I'll have to hold a telethon!"

Robin Hood and His Merry Men

TV Listings

"I'm sorry Perkins,but that's one option for childbirth we won't be using."

'Laugh all you want, but the advertising agency loved my idea: I'm making good money...'

Cosmetic surgery bin: 'Bits & Boobs'

Take them, God!

'This church accepts all denominations - fivers, tenners, and twenties. . .'

"I only came in to get my eyes done."

"My one-man band is breaking up."