Comedy Lovers Pillows

"It says our homeowners insurance policy is subject to the following forms and endorsements..."

Indian burial ground.

"Go with two-iron, Kemosabe - distance in desert not what it seems."

'We may well be looking at the straw that broke the camel's back.'

"Pillows for sleeping on are downstairs. These are all for screaming into."

"You look tired. Have you been sawing another woman?"

Xena: Warrior Princess, TV star, professional volleyball player.

Escalator joust.

'Book me a Greek holiday - I want to break plates!'

'Our names aren't here so let's go for a drink!'

"Sorry, but we left your heart in San Francisco."

A Student Driver Meets a Learning Curve

'Son, your teacher told me that you're having trouble focusing and other things that I zoned out on...'

Self-Help Books / Fixing Others.

'For show and tell I've brought individual credit reports on the entire faculty that I've downloaded from the internet.'

'It's ok, I'm a florist'

'Welcome! I'm sure you'll fit in nicely!'

'I begun like you, with nothing but my bare hands. Look at me now! Only 25 years later, I'm begging with my own hat! Geez, I love this country! Everybody can make it here!'

"I'm warning you - peas and carrots are gateway vegetables."

'This is going to be a level three.'

'On a positive note, video of the incident has gone on to become an internet sensation.'

'When my kids get out of line, I threaten to start a 'My Space' page and invite their friends.'

'No, no, you're looking for the school counselor. This is Guy Dance.'

"I've never seen Mom this angry before."

'That's Samuelson. He's been with the company since Day One!'

'Is my homeowners policy covered for global warming?'

Daylight Savings Time comes to Stonehenge.

'Woman hits man on head with handbag while he speaks on his mobile phone.'

"Well, partner, we're either going to be the greatest team ever to hit town or we're going to end up killing each other."

Short sighted pirates being turned away from a Pilates class.

'Hey! -- Don't go adding disclaimers!'

"Spork."

'Jack, can you prove that Harrison stabbed you in the back?'

"It's nice to see the police toughening up on juvenile crime."

'There's a renewable source the government should use.'