Comedy-enjoyers Pillows

'Not bad, Bruce. Call me sometime and we'll do lunch.'

The Department of Really Stupid Ideas: 'Most people think they just appear out of thin air! But the truth is, there's a great deal of very hard work involved!'

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

Adult Courses. It's so hard keeping the information from different classes separate! I'm talking film history and psychology. I failed a test because I said a "psychopath" is the walkway Norman Bates took home. I also confused geography and aeronautics. I said the "great plains" are located at an Air Force testing base in the California desert. My worst nightmare was confusing the thinks ti learned in driver's education and statistics. But at least I now know it's driving where you must st

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

"Bond James, Bond."

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"In high school, I was quite the star in metal shop."

Showbiz Awards

"I'm grounded. I forgot to delete the car's computer history after we did those crop circles on Earth."

6 Quarantine-Friendly Fashions

'So let me see if I've got it straight. It was a very large squirrel and your husband is a nut.'

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

"His first out-of-body experience."

Children's Parties

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

Director/Action Man toy.

'Yes, I know there's a deadline on this project.'

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

"So, tell me a little bit more about this house training you mention on your CV."

"My emotional support dog ate my comfort food."

"Maybe the next one will be a singles cruise."

Come in, minion. What's up, boss? I'm writing a novel. It's a thriller about an intrepid caf

Life is for the birds.

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to well, pie.'

The first car accident.

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

"I bought it off the therapist who's helping me kick my compulsive shopping disorder."

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

I must say a winter wedding certainly saves on confetti!'

Dog Walking Services

Fat Kid 10- Eats an ice-cream