Fan Of Satirical Humor Gifts

'Nah, the Boss ain't in yet. Can I 'elp?'

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

"Would you say that the sales projections in your 3 year plan are realistic?"

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

'Taxes are going up, but that's no excuse to earn less, Mr. Syms.'

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

Trump Poutine

'We're going to need to find a scapegoat.'

"I can never remember - do these go in garbage or compost?"

Trappist Monk Discord

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

'What does it say, Dad?'

Coming Soon! More Stuff You Could Live Without!

"Nous somme desir-eh, go, er, allez, erm, universitaire français, s'il vous plait."

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

"The president says there isn't a flood. What's the harm in humoring him?" "Hey! Would somebody pull Lindsey up for air?"

US Credit: 'I'm down grading your credit rating...'

HELLth Food Sprouts

'More government surveillance!'

'Here, we don't need a retirement plan. If you do your job as we want it, you'll directly go from your desk to hell.'

"I sold my soul for about a tenth of what the damn things are going for now."

"The doctor is in court on Tuesdays and Wednesdays."

'And we'll give you all the carcinogens you can eat.'

'In today's market hyperbole was up sharply. Similes and metaphors held relatively steady with euphemisms hitting another record low.'

"Would you like to see the markup?"

"...in other news: Google has been admitted to the United Stations..."

The Thinker?

'Would you do me the honour of becoming tax advantaged with me?'

How men process questions.

"There may be a moral equivalent of war, but, by God, there is not moral equivalent of money."

'Staffers don't report we're managing decline. They report we met our targets and did out job!'

"He is walking from 'Lands end to John'o'Groats', virtually."

"I'm 59 and they say I'm middle aged. Just how many people do you know who are 118?"

"Actually, you do have a racist bone in your body."

"If you get married at the Grammy Awards, can your marriage be annulled at the Country Music Awards?"