Fan Of Satirical Humor Pillows

'Nah, the Boss ain't in yet. Can I 'elp?'

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

"Would you say that the sales projections in your 3 year plan are realistic?"

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

'Taxes are going up, but that's no excuse to earn less, Mr. Syms.'

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

"I can never remember - do these go in garbage or compost?"

Trump Poutine

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

'We're going to need to find a scapegoat.'

Trappist Monk Discord

'What does it say, Dad?'

"Nous somme desir-eh, go, er, allez, erm, universitaire français, s'il vous plait."

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

Coming Soon! More Stuff You Could Live Without!

"The president says there isn't a flood. What's the harm in humoring him?" "Hey! Would somebody pull Lindsey up for air?"

US Credit: 'I'm down grading your credit rating...'

HELLth Food Sprouts

'Here, we don't need a retirement plan. If you do your job as we want it, you'll directly go from your desk to hell.'

'More government surveillance!'

"I sold my soul for about a tenth of what the damn things are going for now."

"The doctor is in court on Tuesdays and Wednesdays."

'And we'll give you all the carcinogens you can eat.'

'In today's market hyperbole was up sharply. Similes and metaphors held relatively steady with euphemisms hitting another record low.'

"Would you like to see the markup?"

'Would you do me the honour of becoming tax advantaged with me?'

"...in other news: Google has been admitted to the United Stations..."

The Thinker?

"If you get married at the Grammy Awards, can your marriage be annulled at the Country Music Awards?"

"He is walking from 'Lands end to John'o'Groats', virtually."

"Mr. Pope, please give this summons to your boss. The prosecutor wants to know how god can allow so much misery."

'Staffers don't report we're managing decline. They report we met our targets and did out job!'

Germany: willingness for anti-corona vaccination decreases!

"Actually, you do have a racist bone in your body."

"There may be a moral equivalent of war, but, by God, there is not moral equivalent of money."