Witty Observer Gifts

'I feel like exercising. Have you seen my tennis shoes?'

'Wait till the big dumb nut gets home and finds out he's got a wig.'

"Is it a witty and insightful exploration of the zeitgeist of 'boundaries' or is it in fact, the way out?"

"Thank you for being authentic and vulnerable with me."

"It's not really a gift, Wayne. Most of us have the ability to identify people who aren't riding bicycles by choice."

Paper Boy

"Cutting out the middleman."

'I must be growing up. I can feel my intelligence being insulted.'

'We think Rome was built at night sir, because last week you told us that Rome wasn't built in a day!'

'If that's my wife, Joe, I'm not here.'

"You're getting a nanny. We decided to outsource our parenting"

'I understand that the hazardous waste they're hauling is used cat litter.'

Age discrimination is on the rise - 'Not with me, Mr. Dithers!'

"The gods are distributing Chinese menus."

No one has ever been accused of choosing bad relatives.

'She seems to have found Mr. Right at last.'

'This is a no rise office.'

'Sure it feels nice to be wanted, but I try to keep a level head, you know?'

De Ja Vu Inc.

"Oh, he's a great conversationalist. Don't you know that money talks?"

If life was a swimming pool, everyone would be in the shallow end.

"Well, I'm glad you think it's 'a work of genius', but I haven't actually started painting it yet."

"Inactivists"

In the Final Analysis

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

Nature is going crazy! Extremely hot summers, tornadoes, floods. . .and now Frank comes home sober on a Friday evening at 10 PM!

A lady playing piano and a man talking to her

'Look, I said I'd bring you the report on micromanaging. Just give me a chance.'

AI Summit

"Sorry, I'm not criticizing your driving so much as I'm marvelling that you're still alive."

'Twigs... great, that'll be comfortable.'

Do you believe in money at first sight?

The tree of liberty can survive only so much grafting.

Kangaroo with a smoking baby.

Mom's Mortuary