Witty Appreciator Gifts

"...And being of sound mind and especially body I..."

I've been teaching art history for decades. Students today ask new kinds of questions. No, I doubt a gluten-free menu option was available that evening. Nope, the artist was not making a statement about climate change. No, despite the umbrellas, this is not about sun exposure safety. Well, yes, I suppose you can say it's a selfie.

Unforgettable, that's what you are... Gnat King Cole

"Who's got the hammer?"

"Well, what did you expect? They were both missing vital organs."

"Stop the drama. Take that wig off and wait 'till spring like everyone else."

"To paraprase Nietzsche, there is no pleasure with out pain au chocolat."

'Of course I'm on the pull - I'm a cricketer.'

'This guy loves giving stump speeches. Ironically, they're all against deforestation.'

'The boss said I never made any profits and I never found customers worth mentioning and that's why he promoted me to the company's chief bad example!'

'The meaning of life is dog food.'

Updated Classis: Alice Through the You Tube.

"We didn't want to know the gender in advance."

Super Heroes.

I put a picture of my lunch on Facebook, and nobody hit "like." Who doesn't like Slim Jims and beer?

"Nice epic battle between good and evil!"

Don Quixote is Caged (Don Quixote).

"Steamed vegetables."

'Don't fall for all that...you should see him first thing in the morning.'

'Oh Hi!'

Cat Burglar

"As an avid red wine drinker, I can say, with certainty, that the notion that drinking clarity impares claret is false!"

'This one is for serving 27 years in the military without anyone finding out I'm gay.'

"Attention, everyone! Here comes Poppa, and we're going to drive dull care away! It's quips and cranks and wanton wiles, nods and becks and wreathed smiles."

"Amateurs."

MEGASTUDIOS, INC., 'Just think of it -- 'CSI Mayberry,' with Robert DeNiro as Andy and Wesley Snipes as Barney!'

"Touché"

'It's cutting edge theatre.'

Earthlings, show us your sporting interests. This is golf. Hit the ball with the club. This is tennis. Hit that ball with the racket. This is volleyball. Hit that ball with your hand. Hitting, hitting, hitting. It's all so violent. How do you relax? We hit the hot tub.

"She's a show dog...purebred, of course." "That's great! My guy's a Sanskrit scholar...wrote for the Harvard Lampoon."

The Greek Trampoline

Russia Money Laundering

Admit it. We have a drinking problem.

Caterpillar Portrait

'...And now, the film most criticized for eroding traditional family values, the nominees are...'