Witty Explorer Gifts

A proctologist by nature, Bob liked to spend his weekends out in nature.

No one has ever been accused of choosing bad relatives.

'I feel like exercising. Have you seen my tennis shoes?'

'Think how all that chatting is affecting global warming.'

"And finally, I'd like to take any questions from the floor."

"Staring down the enemy in the heat of battle! That is how sausage is made!"

'Ms. Hatton, take a letter, a number and a hike...'

"Inactivists"

3 Pointless Things To Do At Christmas: Add a little festivity to your favourite fast food/Look up an old friend/Murder the Scotch.

Paper Boy

"How the heck could you forget your sword?"

"You're getting a nanny. We decided to outsource our parenting"

"The gods are distributing Chinese menus."

In 1682 in a remote cave in the Ural Mountains, Heinrick Glaston discovers irony.

What's the antidote for wheat germ?

'Wait till the big dumb nut gets home and finds out he's got a wig.'

'This is a no rise office.'

'Doctor, one placebo or two with your tea?'

Death Watch

'We think Rome was built at night sir, because last week you told us that Rome wasn't built in a day!'

Knights of the iPhone

Law office sign: "Defending the citizen's entitlement to folly since 1935"

Wise Cracker

Technical specifications: semi-automatic 1.2 mm cartoon launcher. 7.5 inch barrels holds a full stick of graphite. Fires rounds of sarcasm, satire and spoofs. Takes out religious fanatics with sharp wit.

Cowboy on horse sees diretion sign for 'thataway'.

"I just attained enlightenment! - Gimme a high-five!"

This beer has given me the courage to invite you back to my place. This wine has given me the courage to invite you to drop dead.

"I thought you meant a football pool."

"Remember, I've got the Dog Catcher on speed dial."

Mechanics price list.

One Way/Two Ways.

Sign: Gritty Urban Experience, Next 10 Exits.

"Is it a witty and insightful exploration of the zeitgeist of 'boundaries' or is it in fact, the way out?"

'Yeah... and I'm the tooth-fairy!'

BIBLE STORIES, 'This is full of battle and other BOY stuff - not a single romantic comedy!'