Witty Researcher Gifts

'Doctor, one placebo or two with your tea?'

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

"Oh, stop it. You are not at all obtuse." Complimentary angles make the other angles feel good about themselves.

No one has ever been accused of choosing bad relatives.

'I feel like exercising. Have you seen my tennis shoes?'

Need Supercomputer to finish my PhD, Please Help.

'Think how all that chatting is affecting global warming.'

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

"What lead you to growing human tests in a test tube?"

'You raised the price of air to 50c!' 'Inflation.'

'You should agree with me, but not all the time, Try mixing it up a little,'

"I don't like lawyer jokes. Lawyers don't think they're funny and other people don't think they're jokes."

'Ms. Hatton, take a letter, a number and a hike...'

Genetic Fingerprinting.

Paper Boy

"Inactivists"

'Hey, it's that peeping Tom again, the one who has no respect for privacy.'

'I respond to stimuli, therefore I ham.'

"You're getting a nanny. We decided to outsource our parenting"

'I feel I owe a lot to my country.' - 'So, you haven't paid your income tax again.'

Great progress has been made in the science of genetic clowning.

Impartial Testing: "Eeny, meeny, money, moe..."

'Wait till the big dumb nut gets home and finds out he's got a wig.'

'This is a no rise office.'

"The gods are distributing Chinese menus."

"This is quite a surprising discovery."

In 1682 in a remote cave in the Ural Mountains, Heinrick Glaston discovers irony.

'What can we do to reduce our spending?'

'Ever since I had a disease named after me, people seem to keep their distance.'

'We think Rome was built at night sir, because last week you told us that Rome wasn't built in a day!'

'I'm writing my dissertation on Latte Sizes.'

Law office sign: "Defending the citizen's entitlement to folly since 1935"

'Are you sure Anderson is working on the Human Genome Project?'

'Since you were late to work so often, we should have given the watch when you started 43 years ago.'

'It doesn't matter that your thesis is on extra sensory perception, you can't cite mindreading in your references.'