Witty Traveler Gifts

"Probably shouldn't have finished off the saltines."

Carefree luggage.

Transylvanian backpackers.

'Think how all that chatting is affecting global warming.'

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

"This bag is carry-on, and this one is kick-drop-throw-and-pile-on."

Laughing Zone Ahead

Camping holidays in the British summer.

'I'm going to give you something for your depression - it's an airline ticket to the Bahamas!'

'Ms. Hatton, take a letter, a number and a hike...'

"That reminds me. . . did you remember to pack the viagra?"

"Yipeee!"

Steve found himself on his travels.

"You have arrived at your destination."

In 1682 in a remote cave in the Ural Mountains, Heinrick Glaston discovers irony.

"All the other passengers have collected and gone so well just have to admit they're ours!"

"The whole thing's much smaller than it seemed on TV."

'It's a surprise for my husband, he isn't going.'

Stonehenge Imitation

"Your brochure led me to believe it'd have a more temperate climate."

"We saw the Great Wall and lots of pagodas, and I have a transplanted stomach."

Build a better mousetrap and the IRS will beat a path to your door.

'I'm worried that my crippling anxiety is going to shorten my life.'

"My Dad told me not to make the same mistakes he did. That doesn't leave much left!"

"I survived this long by telling all the young toms that a farmer will bring an ax to cut the fence downed set free the first turkey he sees."

Mechanics price list.

One Way/Two Ways.

'Ignore him - philosophers will do anything to attract attention.'

Never judge a nose job at face value.

'Oh look! We must be coming into land at Heathrow.'

"Smile!"

'No, I'm afraid we're dull. But we do have two vacancies in the Kitchen.'

Holiday photos.

I heard you have a really bad toothache. Meh. Not anymore. "Meh"? I got bored of that, so I just moved on. Amazing. "Mindless over matter." Bored of this phone.

'I hope i did leave the faucet running so the water will put out the fire from the stove I left on.'