Witty Ponderer Gifts

"I cried because I had no shoes, the I met a horse who had no hooves, and a turtle who had no smoking jacket, and I laughed, because of something funny I remembered."

'Is that all you read...designer labels?'

'... And some primitive cultures, believed that 'the great ones' modelled us from clay.'

In/Out/These Things Happen.

Mr. Metamorphosis: "At least this better than waking up as a cockroach."

"Counsel for prose is overruled. Poetry, you may continue."

Jean-Paul Sartre

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

"My novel is not a doorstop!"

The Philosopher Pine, or, The Eternal Optimist.

Chiller Theatre

"Have you been playing dice?"

'According to creation mathematicians, all of Euclid's theories were originally found etched into rocks.'

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

'Oh, so now the ocean isn't GOOD enough for you?'

Plan to Split California into Six States Proposed....

"We'll destroy it to the ground ... ...and then..."

Sauce for the Goose

"When we're home, are we still aliens?"

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

The Forbidden Joyce Kilmer

A man deflates and dissolves into the ground and becomes a flower.

I don't think I'm letting sunlight in when I open the curtains. I think the darkness is going out.

The Lessons of VietnamThe Lessons of Iran and ContraThe Lessons of Iraq.

'Half an optimist is an odd bird, Sarah.'

"William Blake said you can see the whole world in a grain of sand, but he doesn't always make a lot of sense."

"I'm trying to forget a pussycat."

"No, I don't want to live forever, but I damn sure don't want to be dead forever, either."

"I guess now's as good a time as any."

'Gosh, I dunno. You sure it's organic?'

Admissions test for the Danbury Institute of Philosophy

'Look at it another way. Happiness can't buy you money!'

'I hate to tell you this, but enlightenment just isn't for commuters.'

"I cross the road to forget."