Humorous Observers Gifts

'Weren't you our newspaper carrier years ago?'

No one has ever been accused of choosing bad relatives.

'I feel like exercising. Have you seen my tennis shoes?'

"Honestly, I didn't know your wife was in the shower."

"Trying to impress us on your first day is understandable, but the moon has already been discovered."

"I think you'll like this idea-it's sort of 'dull' meets 'inoffensive.' "

Scientist seen on loch.

"Inactivists"

Kind- hearted, nature-loving Jeff built a new improved bird table.

"You're getting a nanny. We decided to outsource our parenting"

So you'd like to be a lawyer...we require honest, genuine people, who are prepared to...learn how to fake sincerity.

Paper Boy

"The gods are distributing Chinese menus."

'Wait till the big dumb nut gets home and finds out he's got a wig.'

Cat going to litter box with newspaper to read.

A child and a babysitter gazing out of a window

"Running is great. Unless you compare it with not running."

''Masterpiece Theater' will not be seen tonight, so that we may bring you 'Slushpile Showplace'....'

"Sorry, I'm not criticizing your driving so much as I'm marvelling that you're still alive."

"No, no, your job's not going out of the country to some foreign bastard. We're just firing you."

'This is a no rise office.'

'Sometimes I think you're on a different planet.'

"My client pleads not guilty, by reason that everyone else is doing it."

A well-dressed panhandler holds a sign that reads "Will argue for food".

'We think Rome was built at night sir, because last week you told us that Rome wasn't built in a day!'

"Miss Winthrop, tell my callers that I'm busy with the World Bank."

TV and man

"Die alone"

"I'm going to use my tax cut to trickle down on you all."

STRIP Hambone: 'Can't you programme this thing to laugh at my jokes?'

'Good news, folks - no attack today!'

"Being a 'fly on the wall' is way overrated."

TV SALES, 'Will the violence chip block out Joy Behar?'

"Excuse me, have you seen a large gent with a red coat and face to match."