Humorous Observers Pillows

'Weren't you our newspaper carrier years ago?'

No one has ever been accused of choosing bad relatives.

'I feel like exercising. Have you seen my tennis shoes?'

"Honestly, I didn't know your wife was in the shower."

"Trying to impress us on your first day is understandable, but the moon has already been discovered."

"I think you'll like this idea-it's sort of 'dull' meets 'inoffensive.' "

Scientist seen on loch.

Kind- hearted, nature-loving Jeff built a new improved bird table.

Paper Boy

"Inactivists"

"You're getting a nanny. We decided to outsource our parenting"

So you'd like to be a lawyer...we require honest, genuine people, who are prepared to...learn how to fake sincerity.

"No, no, your job's not going out of the country to some foreign bastard. We're just firing you."

'This is a no rise office.'

A child and a babysitter gazing out of a window

"Sorry, I'm not criticizing your driving so much as I'm marvelling that you're still alive."

"Running is great. Unless you compare it with not running."

Cat going to litter box with newspaper to read.

"The gods are distributing Chinese menus."

''Masterpiece Theater' will not be seen tonight, so that we may bring you 'Slushpile Showplace'....'

'Wait till the big dumb nut gets home and finds out he's got a wig.'

'Sometimes I think you're on a different planet.'

"My client pleads not guilty, by reason that everyone else is doing it."

TV and man

"Some other news, China declares war on Peru, ISIS blows up the pyramids and the pope resigns. Now back to more comments from David Bowie fans."

A well-dressed panhandler holds a sign that reads "Will argue for food".

"I'm going to use my tax cut to trickle down on you all."

'We think Rome was built at night sir, because last week you told us that Rome wasn't built in a day!'

"Die alone"

"Miss Winthrop, tell my callers that I'm busy with the World Bank."

'Because Elvis is FULL of philosophical insights.'

TV SALES, 'Will the violence chip block out Joy Behar?'

STRIP Hambone: 'Can't you programme this thing to laugh at my jokes?'

'Good news, folks - no attack today!'

"Being a 'fly on the wall' is way overrated."