Life's Comedic Observer Pillows

Elderly Dating

"Would you relax? They never look up."

Proud of herself for "never owning a tv" Emily watches eight episodes of a mediocre tv show on her laptop while in bed.

"The doctor is in court on Tuesdays and Wednesdays."

Death Photobombs a Holiday

'Ever think it's a whole new world for us old guys?'

"Sorry, I'm not criticizing your driving so much as I'm marvelling that you're still alive."

"Where are the perineums?" "Aisle 3. Between the vaginas and the rectums."

'I have this nagging fear that everyone is out to make me paranoid!'

Couple look out of a window shaped like a television screen.

'How come your notebook has a sudoku puzzle on it?'

'Quit blubbering. This is why I hate taking you shopping.'

"Happy Birthday! Is this a bad time?"

"My work is to stare into space."

Wild life liberation front take 'live yoghurt' from shop.

'I'm going to take a shower - No peeking, now.'

Go over there and say something...

'Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family....in another state....'

'I asked if I could work from home.'

Recession: 'To hell with it, I'll wait till it comes out on DVD.'

'I had a job once, sir, but I succumbed to sleep deprivation.'

'Weren't you our newspaper carrier years ago?'

"Hi, honey, I'm homosexual!"

'Crystal! You didn't duck and cover! If this wasn't just a drill and I had been a real deranged fan, you'd be soaked in beer right now!'

"I'm thinking of having her declawed."

"I'm fortyish, forty twelve to be exact"

More Nontraditional Family Units

"I liked it better before when we didn't know enough about the Deavers to dislike them."

Hanging Mime - Such a waste of talent.

"I've enjoyed about as much of this as I can stand."

The world is leaving you behind phobia.

Voyeurs shouldn't live across from each other.

"It's been tough dating since my divorce...I never ad any trouble getting women to o out with me when I was still married!"

"Have you been waiting long?"

'You're lying. I can read you like a book.'