Life's Irony Observer Pillows

"Happy Birthday! Is this a bad time?"

'I have this nagging fear that everyone is out to make me paranoid!'

Proud of herself for "never owning a tv" Emily watches eight episodes of a mediocre tv show on her laptop while in bed.

"VP J.D. Vance called Donald: 'cynical asshole,' a 'moral disaster,' a 'total fraud,' an 'idiot,' and suggested he might be 'America’s Hitler.'"

'I'm surprised you like being your own boss. I am your boss and I hate it.'

'Look, I said I'd bring you the report on micromanaging. Just give me a chance.'

AI Summit

"I said, you know why women talk more than men?" "What?" "I said, you know why women talk more than men..." "What?"

''Masterpiece Theater' will not be seen tonight, so that we may bring you 'Slushpile Showplace'....'

A signaller directing pallbearers

'I wouldn't worry about going before your time. You're too old to die young.'

Kangaroo with a smoking baby.

'He was a shooting star, passing through the firmament. Lighting up our dull lives with his all too brief presence.' 'I think we're at the wrong funeral.'

"Don't touch that Jake! It's bad for you!"

'I'm new up here...where are the men?'

"Well, I have bad news for you, too."

"You've done some outstanding work in Public Relations, Benderman. Unfortunately, you work in Accounting.!

'The exercise hasn't been a total failure. My personal trainer lost 10 pounds.'

'Man, you are the first parole office to truly understand me.'

"And then one day, I had this revelation: Why not go public with my non-profit business and start making some big bucks?"

'I don't know why other people pray in school, but I pray in school because I'm not supposed to.'

Elderly Dating

Church Parking

'Look at the bum on that Wayne, is she that girl that worked at the Burger Shack?'

End of the Pier Show

"With all due respect, I prefer the term 'con artisan'."

'If they didn't want us around, how come they keep putting food out for us?"

"Oh, darn, and just as I was beginning to take charge of my life."

"I've watched these workout videos for hours. They haven't helped."

"Nature has a twisted sense of humor."

Marriage a la Mode - Toilette scene.

'It's true I'm homeless...that's why I want the loan.'

"We look very peaceful."

Glen had been depressed ever since deciding to live every day as if it were his last.

'I just hate how everyone sees everything as black or white!'