Life's Ironies Observer Pillows

'I had a job once, sir, but I succumbed to sleep deprivation.'

Proud of herself for "never owning a tv" Emily watches eight episodes of a mediocre tv show on her laptop while in bed.

'Look, I said I'd bring you the report on micromanaging. Just give me a chance.'

''Masterpiece Theater' will not be seen tonight, so that we may bring you 'Slushpile Showplace'....'

AI Summit

"I said, you know why women talk more than men?" "What?" "I said, you know why women talk more than men..." "What?"

A signaller directing pallbearers

'I wouldn't worry about going before your time. You're too old to die young.'

Kangaroo with a smoking baby.

'He was a shooting star, passing through the firmament. Lighting up our dull lives with his all too brief presence.' 'I think we're at the wrong funeral.'

"Don't touch that Jake! It's bad for you!"

'I'm new up here...where are the men?'

"You've done some outstanding work in Public Relations, Benderman. Unfortunately, you work in Accounting.!

'The exercise hasn't been a total failure. My personal trainer lost 10 pounds.'

'Man, you are the first parole office to truly understand me.'

'Look at the bum on that Wayne, is she that girl that worked at the Burger Shack?'

Elderly Dating

'I have this nagging fear that everyone is out to make me paranoid!'

Church Parking

'I don't know why other people pray in school, but I pray in school because I'm not supposed to.'

"And then one day, I had this revelation: Why not go public with my non-profit business and start making some big bucks?"

End of the Pier Show

"With all due respect, I prefer the term 'con artisan'."

RIP Dr. Tom Kent: In my absence contact Dr. G. Hall

"Oh, darn, and just as I was beginning to take charge of my life."

'If they didn't want us around, how come they keep putting food out for us?"

"I've watched these workout videos for hours. They haven't helped."

Marriage a la Mode - Toilette scene.

"Happy Birthday! Is this a bad time?"

"We look very peaceful."

'It's true I'm homeless...that's why I want the loan.'

"Nature has a twisted sense of humor."

'Life is ruining your health.'

Glen had been depressed ever since deciding to live every day as if it were his last.

Wrong Side of the equator.