Life's Ironies Observer Gifts

'I had a job once, sir, but I succumbed to sleep deprivation.'

Proud of herself for "never owning a tv" Emily watches eight episodes of a mediocre tv show on her laptop while in bed.

'Look, I said I'd bring you the report on micromanaging. Just give me a chance.'

AI Summit

''Masterpiece Theater' will not be seen tonight, so that we may bring you 'Slushpile Showplace'....'

"I said, you know why women talk more than men?" "What?" "I said, you know why women talk more than men..." "What?"

A signaller directing pallbearers

Kangaroo with a smoking baby.

'I wouldn't worry about going before your time. You're too old to die young.'

'He was a shooting star, passing through the firmament. Lighting up our dull lives with his all too brief presence.' 'I think we're at the wrong funeral.'

"Don't touch that Jake! It's bad for you!"

'I'm new up here...where are the men?'

"You've done some outstanding work in Public Relations, Benderman. Unfortunately, you work in Accounting.!

'The exercise hasn't been a total failure. My personal trainer lost 10 pounds.'

'Man, you are the first parole office to truly understand me.'

"With all due respect, I prefer the term 'con artisan'."

Church Parking

'I don't know why other people pray in school, but I pray in school because I'm not supposed to.'

'Look at the bum on that Wayne, is she that girl that worked at the Burger Shack?'

RIP Dr. Tom Kent: In my absence contact Dr. G. Hall

"And then one day, I had this revelation: Why not go public with my non-profit business and start making some big bucks?"

'I have this nagging fear that everyone is out to make me paranoid!'

End of the Pier Show

Elderly Dating

'If they didn't want us around, how come they keep putting food out for us?"

"Oh, darn, and just as I was beginning to take charge of my life."

"I've watched these workout videos for hours. They haven't helped."

"We look very peaceful."

"Happy Birthday! Is this a bad time?"

Marriage a la Mode - Toilette scene.

"Nature has a twisted sense of humor."

'Life is ruining your health.'

'It's true I'm homeless...that's why I want the loan.'

Glen had been depressed ever since deciding to live every day as if it were his last.

'I just hate how everyone sees everything as black or white!'