Life's Ironies Ponderer Gifts

"We'd like to divorce our children."

"Exactly how undecided would you say you were at this precise moment?"

Tsunami Evac Route

"Just think of all the cigarettes I could have smoked."

"I said, you know why women talk more than men?" "What?" "I said, you know why women talk more than men..." "What?"

"Some days I really wish I had finished med school. Not that I ever started med school."

A signaller directing pallbearers

'You know the rules, Mr Dotterill - you're only allowed one visitor at a time.'

"Well, I have bad news for you, too."

'Yeah, but that's life!'

Man with a big question

A woman collecting mushrooms rests under a mushroom.

RIP Dr. Tom Kent: In my absence contact Dr. G. Hall

'I have this nagging fear that everyone is out to make me paranoid!'

Editorial Page - People Who Agree With You vs. Idiots

"Oh, darn, and just as I was beginning to take charge of my life."

"When I was young I needed drugs to feel weird. Now, I need drugs to feel normal."

'Life is ruining your health.'

"Happy Birthday! Is this a bad time?"

"Yes, I was downsized out of here last month. That's who this collection is for!"

Glen had been depressed ever since deciding to live every day as if it were his last.

"I no longer think, therefore I no longer am."

A mortgage and a shitty job-experience centre.

The Misleading Wine Fridge

'I had a job once, sir, but I succumbed to sleep deprivation.'

Hey, be glad he just wanted to play through.

'We're a lifestyle magazine for the terminally ill.'

'My ex-wife won the lottery! The lottery!'

"I'd better change my habits/enjoy myself before it's too late!"

"Kindergarten taught me everything I ever needed to know in life. Like, when you don't get what you want, throw a tantrum."

Doubtful death.

"Not once in my life, … In School, Marriage, Business… did I ever come out smelling like a rose."

STOP! Do not attempt to move.

Thinkers Drinker - 'I think I'll have another one!'

Some People Who Take Drugs Are Real Cool.