Ironical Life Observer Gifts

'I lost my wife, my kids,my business, my house, my money, my self respect, and yes you could say it's could be one of those days!'

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

Proud of herself for "never owning a tv" Emily watches eight episodes of a mediocre tv show on her laptop while in bed.

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

"Life: play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, first love, brief happiness, breakup, regret, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, play, work, play, w

"Of course, the actual honey is all made overseas."

Life and Death

'Look, I said I'd bring you the report on micromanaging. Just give me a chance.'

Fire hydrant with regular or sparkling water

"No, it's not codependency. The neediness is just in one direction."

"Beats me how pregnancy has survived into the modern era. There's no reception desk, product guarantee nor customer service department!"

Death Photobombs a Holiday

"He was much more effective in the field."

'Have you ever noticed that as you get older, your thin things get thicker and your thick things get thicker?'

"Closing averages on the human scene were mixed today. Brotherly love was down two points, while enlightened self-interest gained a half. Vanity showed no movement, and guarded optimism slipped a point in sluggish trading. Over all, the status quo remained unchanged."

"Sorry, I'm not criticizing your driving so much as I'm marvelling that you're still alive."

Mice 25¢

''Masterpiece Theater' will not be seen tonight, so that we may bring you 'Slushpile Showplace'....'

All You Can Tweet Restaurant.

Maternity Hospital

"And the tech guy said not to worry if I lost my phone. There's an app for that..."

AI Summit

"Your sister got another promotion."

I've always said ignorance is bliss, but what do I know?

"It was a scary few minutes but now I'm making a fortune as a motivation speaker."

Kangaroo with a smoking baby.

Bizarre sights.

Old Yarns

'I wouldn't worry about going before your time. You're too old to die young.'

"Someone just pinched my mobile phone"

I have a video phone and I'm not afraid to use it.

"Better safe than sorry, son."

"Auto reply: I am dead and will have limited access to e-mail."

'He was a shooting star, passing through the firmament. Lighting up our dull lives with his all too brief presence.' 'I think we're at the wrong funeral.'

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