Ironic Observer Gifts

'Look, I said I'd bring you the report on micromanaging. Just give me a chance.'

"You've done some outstanding work in Public Relations, Benderman. Unfortunately, you work in Accounting.!

'The exercise hasn't been a total failure. My personal trainer lost 10 pounds.'

'The last thing I remember is being dragged to some dumb recital I said I wouldn't be caught dead at!'

'If they didn't want us around, how come they keep putting food out for us?"

'He was a shooting star, passing through the firmament. Lighting up our dull lives with his all too brief presence.' 'I think we're at the wrong funeral.'

"I've watched these workout videos for hours. They haven't helped."

'I just hate how everyone sees everything as black or white!'

'Man, you are the first parole office to truly understand me.'

Clergy golf cart in church parking spaces.

Business knowledge.

'The good news is...he landed on his head.'

"If I ever could have all the money back that I'd spent on booze..."

Man in a phone booth using a mobile phone.

'It's true I'm homeless...that's why I want the loan.'

At a restaurant with a sign, 'E.E.O. We Employ Mimes,' a man says, 'That explains why none of the staff said anything while processing my order.'

"What doesn't kill me makes me stupider."

'I don't know why other people pray in school, but I pray in school because I'm not supposed to.'

'Look at the bum on that Wayne, is she that girl that worked at the Burger Shack?'

"If you're so sober, why ain't you rich?"

"We look very peaceful."

Church Parking

"Oh, they're simply looking for newly available apartment openings."

"He's just discovered he's only got four friends on Facebook and two of them are his dentist."

"Hmm... it just makes you look sinister..."

"And then one day, I had this revelation: Why not go public with my non-profit business and start making some big bucks?"

'I'm new up here...where are the men?'

'Sure, I've profited from my mistakes, but it was all eaten up by taxes!'

Kangaroo with a smoking baby.

'Yeah, I see them. Couple of wolves. They've been stalking us since 42nd Street...'

Hunter sign shoots at Deer sign.

"Oh, go to Heaven!"

Broken toilet chain

'The artist was thinking outside of the box again.'

End of the Pier Show