Humorous Observer Gifts

Go over there and say something...

The world is leaving you behind phobia.

"I'm thinking of having her declawed."

"I've enjoyed about as much of this as I can stand."

Wild life liberation front take 'live yoghurt' from shop.

'How come your notebook has a sudoku puzzle on it?'

"It's been tough dating since my divorce...I never ad any trouble getting women to o out with me when I was still married!"

"I liked it better before when we didn't know enough about the Deavers to dislike them."

No one has ever been accused of choosing bad relatives.

'I feel like exercising. Have you seen my tennis shoes?'

"Honestly, I didn't know your wife was in the shower."

"Trying to impress us on your first day is understandable, but the moon has already been discovered."

"Yes, that's the tree with all the squirrels from yesterday. And no, I don't know where they are today."

"I think you'll like this idea-it's sort of 'dull' meets 'inoffensive.' "

'Thank goodness for clumsy children: A spilt ice-cream!'

'Look, I said I'd bring you the report on micromanaging. Just give me a chance.'

Scientist seen on loch.

"Inactivists"

"You're getting a nanny. We decided to outsource our parenting"

So you'd like to be a lawyer...we require honest, genuine people, who are prepared to...learn how to fake sincerity.

Paper Boy

Kind- hearted, nature-loving Jeff built a new improved bird table.

"No, no, your job's not going out of the country to some foreign bastard. We're just firing you."

"Running is great. Unless you compare it with not running."

Cat going to litter box with newspaper to read.

"Sorry, I'm not criticizing your driving so much as I'm marvelling that you're still alive."

'This is a no rise office.'

'Brother, the Lord takes a very dim view of the comb-over.'

A child and a babysitter gazing out of a window

'Wait till the big dumb nut gets home and finds out he's got a wig.'

AI Summit

"The gods are distributing Chinese menus."

'Sometimes I think you're on a different planet.'

"My client pleads not guilty, by reason that everyone else is doing it."

'We think Rome was built at night sir, because last week you told us that Rome wasn't built in a day!'