Observational Humorist Gifts

'I'm going to take a shower - No peeking, now.'

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

Indian rajah rowing elephant in a monsoon flood.

"Gee, thanks pal."

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

"Would you relax? They never look up."

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

"Eww - that whale's breath smells awful!" "You could use a breath mint yourself, lady!"

Trappist Monk Discord

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

Welcome to Mauritius Home of the Dodo Burger

"Honestly, I didn't know your wife was in the shower."

Grim Reaper Buying CDs...

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

'He doesn't like people walking in - try crawling.'

'I don't think the employees like me.'

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

"Nous somme desir-eh, go, er, allez, erm, universitaire français, s'il vous plait."

'I'm no expert, but I think we're a little behind when it comes to the latest industry technology.'

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

'What does it say, Dad?'

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."

"Trying to impress us on your first day is understandable, but the moon has already been discovered."

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

"I'm starting my own movement—Occupy Fifty-Seventh Street."

HELLth Food Sprouts

"I swear, Mr. Drumpf, I meant it in the best sense of the word." "Mr. Drumpf is a moron."

Large print e-book.

Looks Like They're Finally Renovating The Toilet