Observational Comedy Gifts

"Would you relax? They never look up."

Voyeurs shouldn't live across from each other.

"Honestly, I didn't know your wife was in the shower."

'If he could trace the matching sock I've another 25 or 30 to account for.'

"Trying to impress us on your first day is understandable, but the moon has already been discovered."

"The doctor is in court on Tuesdays and Wednesdays."

Death Photobombs a Holiday

"Sorry, I'm not criticizing your driving so much as I'm marvelling that you're still alive."

"I've switched from talking to myself to talking at myself."

'Pardon me. Can you tell me where 9 West 57th is?'

'Because Elvis is FULL of philosophical insights.'

"Being a 'fly on the wall' is way overrated."

Couple look out of a window shaped like a television screen.

'How come your notebook has a sudoku puzzle on it?'

Elderly Dating

"Somehow, I still feel insignificant."

'I'm going to take a shower - No peeking, now.'

Wild life liberation front take 'live yoghurt' from shop.

'Help's on the way, Billy! For God's sake, keep sucking!'

Olive that looks suspiciously like an eye!

Go over there and say something...

'Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family....in another state....'

'Andrew! You never told me you had a twin!'

'Of course I'm at work with a fever of 104. I'm not going to waste a sick day off when I'm actually sick!'

"This poor tree's going bald."

"I'm thinking of having her declawed."

Women's research center for male behavior.

'Weren't you our newspaper carrier years ago?'

'Crystal! You didn't duck and cover! If this wasn't just a drill and I had been a real deranged fan, you'd be soaked in beer right now!'

"Hi, honey, I'm homosexual!"

Brake Repair Shop

"I liked it better before when we didn't know enough about the Deavers to dislike them."

"How long are we supposed to keep this up?"

"...Talk about stubborn!"

"I've enjoyed about as much of this as I can stand."