Observational Humor Fan Gifts

"This poor tree's going bald."

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

"Better bring me another cookie. The last one fell in the water."

'The ghost walks this passage every night Monday to Friday. He has weekends off.'

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

'Taxes are going up, but that's no excuse to earn less, Mr. Syms.'

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

The Brothers Grime

10 K Tail-Chase

"You see, it's perfectly safe to tease him..."

Trump Poutine

Murder in Apartment 6-K

'-and you're living proof that ALL men are not born equal, runt!'

Trappist Monk Discord

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

'We're going to need to find a scapegoat.'

"Honestly, I didn't know your wife was in the shower."

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

"Uh Oh! Jehovah's"

'What does it say, Dad?'

"Nous somme desir-eh, go, er, allez, erm, universitaire français, s'il vous plait."

"Trying to impress us on your first day is understandable, but the moon has already been discovered."

"Grapes, Rye, Malt... I got into this through my vegetarianism."

The Snooze Bar.

Beer Parasol.

US Credit: 'I'm down grading your credit rating...'

Winter Weather.

"The next song was sixties anthem for the youth subculture of revolution, anarchy and anti-establishment...and can now be heard in elevators worldwide."

HELLth Food Sprouts

To encourage patients to take their medication, Dr. Gratner brought in a sketch artist to show them what they will look like in six months without meds.

"I'm you from the future! Or the past. I've completely lost track of time."

"My favorite part of the story was when Prince Charming kissed Sleeping Beauty and she totally rebooted."

"Well, you were late and her boyfriend didn't turn up for their wedding, so....."

tRUMp, Pirate President