Observational Humor Fan Gifts

"This poor tree's going bald."

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

"Better bring me another cookie. The last one fell in the water."

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

'The ghost walks this passage every night Monday to Friday. He has weekends off.'

'Taxes are going up, but that's no excuse to earn less, Mr. Syms.'

The Brothers Grime

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

Trappist Monk Discord

'-and you're living proof that ALL men are not born equal, runt!'

"You see, it's perfectly safe to tease him..."

"Honestly, I didn't know your wife was in the shower."

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

Murder in Apartment 6-K

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

Trump Poutine

'We're going to need to find a scapegoat.'

"Grapes, Rye, Malt... I got into this through my vegetarianism."

"Nous somme desir-eh, go, er, allez, erm, universitaire français, s'il vous plait."

"Uh Oh! Jehovah's"

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

'What does it say, Dad?'

"Trying to impress us on your first day is understandable, but the moon has already been discovered."

Beer Parasol.

Winter Weather.

US Credit: 'I'm down grading your credit rating...'

HELLth Food Sprouts

"The next song was sixties anthem for the youth subculture of revolution, anarchy and anti-establishment...and can now be heard in elevators worldwide."

"I'm you from the future! Or the past. I've completely lost track of time."

'If I believed in aptitude tests I'd still be washing cars in Accrington,.'

"I sold my soul for about a tenth of what the damn things are going for now."

'Trust me, you're not going to need an alarm clock.'

'Joe has been partying hard!'