Thought-provoking Humor Fan Gifts

"No son, they're not ants, they're poor people."

"Better bring me another cookie. The last one fell in the water."

'The ghost walks this passage every night Monday to Friday. He has weekends off.'

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

'Taxes are going up, but that's no excuse to earn less, Mr. Syms.'

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

The Brothers Grime

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

'-and you're living proof that ALL men are not born equal, runt!'

'We're going to need to find a scapegoat.'

Trump Poutine

"You see, it's perfectly safe to tease him..."

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

"Uh Oh! Jehovah's"

A Golden Non-Retriever

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

"The president says there isn't a flood. What's the harm in humoring him?" "Hey! Would somebody pull Lindsey up for air?"

"Grapes, Rye, Malt... I got into this through my vegetarianism."

Beer Parasol.

Winter Weather.

US Credit: 'I'm down grading your credit rating...'

'Here, we don't need a retirement plan. If you do your job as we want it, you'll directly go from your desk to hell.'

'More government surveillance!'

'You're supposed to bring the newspaper to ME!'

'Too many people in our state are overweight, Senator. They want fat-free pork.'

"I'm you from the future! Or the past. I've completely lost track of time."

"For the last time, we never need the route with the fewest turns."

'Joe has been partying hard!'

'Trust me, you're not going to need an alarm clock.'

"Well, you were late and her boyfriend didn't turn up for their wedding, so....."

"My favorite part of the story was when Prince Charming kissed Sleeping Beauty and she totally rebooted."

"I fell to the ground from a height of about two metres when I was born: My very first stunt!"