Humor Fan Gifts

"Can you keep a secret?"

'Yeah, I knew you got wings when you went to heaven, but this isn't what I had in mind!'

Changing your diet could save your life.

'Oh yes we're very proud of him. He's in publishing you know!'

"Can you keep a secret?"

"Now we wait."

"OOOMMM" "MMMOOO"

Please give.

Lemonade, 50? ? After 25? mail-in rebate.

What the sign said: 60 max. What you saw: Go man!

"Nope, I'm squeezing as hard as I can, that is one stuck pig."

"So! When's the big day?"

"I just love how they come individually wrapped to seal in the flavor!"

The glass is half full. - '' - 'The glass is half empty' - '' - 'Gah!! No clean glasses!!' - '' -

Construction safety.

Beer Parasol.

'You know you're getting older when the old 'fire in your belly' is actually acid reflux.

"Twenty Bucks, or, you could let a smile be your umbrella."

'You wouldn't get these stomach aches if you chewed your food properly.'

'You Are Here' sign in desert.

"Buster, run this past legal."

"Let's stop and ask directions at Alpha Centauri, I said, but oh no, Mister clever stalks knows the way alright!"

'Three little kids and their first words. Can you find out which one is the British kid?'

Canadian Standoff

'Sorry, two nine year olds are not the same as an eighteen year old.'

'I always come to work when I'm sick... I can't see wasting my sick leave being sick.'

'Can't we run a little and just pretend I'm chasing you?'

Dog ball-boy.

"Watch your step - we're dealing with a professional here!"

'You broke your wishbone. I'd suggest making a wish.'

My Ass is on Fire!

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...

Falling rock zone (Rock stars falling from mountain/cliff face).

'We're big fans of your work.'

'Not only didn't he turn into a prince, but he gave me these awful warts!'