Ironies Of Life Pillows

Thinkers Drinker - 'I think I'll have another one!'

"Welcome to Randolph, Vermont. Don't even think of relocating here!"

"I said, you know why women talk more than men?" "What?" "I said, you know why women talk more than men..." "What?"

"Ambitions... to fly away to a tropical paradise."

A signaller directing pallbearers

"Well, I have bad news for you, too."

'My 'harrumphs' are losing their volume.'

RIP Dr. Tom Kent: In my absence contact Dr. G. Hall

'I have this nagging fear that everyone is out to make me paranoid!'

"Where can we get such a thing? We would lie on the couch all day and watch cartoons about cats."

"When I was young I needed drugs to feel weird. Now, I need drugs to feel normal."

"Oh, darn, and just as I was beginning to take charge of my life."

"Yes, I was downsized out of here last month. That's who this collection is for!"

"This boat is aptly named."

"Happy Birthday! Is this a bad time?"

'Life is ruining your health.'

Glen had been depressed ever since deciding to live every day as if it were his last.

"I no longer think, therefore I no longer am."

"And so now I'm supposed to be the faithful companion who goes for help?"

A mortgage and a shitty job-experience centre.

The Misleading Wine Fridge

"Never forget our mission statement 'It's not our fault.'"

Wedding cake with bride and groom being separated by a knife.

'These shooting sticks are not very comfortable!'

'I had a job once, sir, but I succumbed to sleep deprivation.'

Environmentally friendly woman putting slug killer down

General Dentistry.

'My ex-wife won the lottery! The lottery!'

"We'd like to divorce our children."

"Your husband is telling you not to come here anymore because, 'this so-called spiritualist is a phoney'!"

Worried about offshore oil spills, some oil companies are testing out new inshore drilling rigs.

"I'd better change my habits/enjoy myself before it's too late!"

Inserting Soldier with Injection

"Not once in my life, … In School, Marriage, Business… did I ever come out smelling like a rose."