Ironies Of Life Pillows

Thinkers Drinker - 'I think I'll have another one!'

Welcome Association of Stage Builders.

"Welcome to Randolph, Vermont. Don't even think of relocating here!"

"Ambitions... to fly away to a tropical paradise."

"I said, you know why women talk more than men?" "What?" "I said, you know why women talk more than men..." "What?"

A signaller directing pallbearers

'My 'harrumphs' are losing their volume.'

"Well, I have bad news for you, too."

RIP Dr. Tom Kent: In my absence contact Dr. G. Hall

"Where can we get such a thing? We would lie on the couch all day and watch cartoons about cats."

'I have this nagging fear that everyone is out to make me paranoid!'

"Oh, darn, and just as I was beginning to take charge of my life."

"When I was young I needed drugs to feel weird. Now, I need drugs to feel normal."

'Life is ruining your health.'

"This boat is aptly named."

"Happy Birthday! Is this a bad time?"

"Yes, I was downsized out of here last month. That's who this collection is for!"

Glen had been depressed ever since deciding to live every day as if it were his last.

"I no longer think, therefore I no longer am."

The Misleading Wine Fridge

A mortgage and a shitty job-experience centre.

"And so now I'm supposed to be the faithful companion who goes for help?"

Wedding cake with bride and groom being separated by a knife.

'These shooting sticks are not very comfortable!'

"Never forget our mission statement 'It's not our fault.'"

'I had a job once, sir, but I succumbed to sleep deprivation.'

General Dentistry.

Worried about offshore oil spills, some oil companies are testing out new inshore drilling rigs.

'My ex-wife won the lottery! The lottery!'

"We'd like to divorce our children."

Environmentally friendly woman putting slug killer down

Hey, be glad he just wanted to play through.

"Your husband is telling you not to come here anymore because, 'this so-called spiritualist is a phoney'!"

"I'd better change my habits/enjoy myself before it's too late!"

Inserting Soldier with Injection