Ironies Pillows

"Ambitions... to fly away to a tropical paradise."

"Welcome to Randolph, Vermont. Don't even think of relocating here!"

Wedding cake with bride and groom being separated by a knife.

Worried about offshore oil spills, some oil companies are testing out new inshore drilling rigs.

If you can read this, you're standing on me.

Prisoner: You Are Here

"This boat is aptly named."

"Your husband is telling you not to come here anymore because, 'this so-called spiritualist is a phoney'!"

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

"Ironically, this is the living room."

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

A woman floats in the pool under the shade of an airplane

"All natural snow cones for sale."

"That report on corporate redundancy... I'd like it in triplicate."

"So then, after I'd invented my time machine, I thought: why not go back and visit the good old days?"

"Hue More Church Candlelight mass 7:00pm - 8:00pm"

"Would you relax? All you guys are so tense. I just wanted to tell you to your face how enigmatic I find you."

Men looking at black screen, "I call it film noir"

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

"It says 'break glass' but it doesn't say what glass!'

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

Freedom comes at a cost. We must be willing to pay the ultimate price. Retail.

"And we are proud to say we only use the freshest artificial ingredients."

'Dang it, I just washed this street. Boy, every time...'

Unpopular Street Signs: Road Work Behind, Speed Jump Ahead, Good Luck, Slow Distracted Adults.

'The meek shall inherit the Earth!'

"The tests confirms you have short-term memory loss."

Always empty your fridge before starting a diet.

Turd - 'It's one of a kind.'

"To be honest, I don't believe in ghosts."