Irony Pillows

"You had good intentions. Let's find you a nice job paving roads."

Kingdom Hall of Jehovah's Witnesses - No soliciting.

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

"I can cure your back problem, but there's a risk that you'll be left with nothing to talk about."

'Well at least your washing up arm is O.K!'

"I'm excited to leave this party we're going to."

"My God—do you suppose it can read?!"

I'm fully aware of the mission for a paperless society, but can I please have a toilet-roll for the gents?

"I'll give you 3 to 1 nobody else turns up."

Complaints about how we handled your complaint.

A vending machine is dispensing free lunches for $10

'I only make predictions in retrospect.'

Fendi Bag Lady

'The bad news is, there is no cure for the common cold. The good news is, I think you have pneumonia.'

Giant hedgehog runs over a car.

"Excuse me, we're out of water."

'I'm sorry, this is the line for people who volunteered to help their community. You're looking for the eternal damnation department.'

'You've not been involved with money laundering before have you Joe!'

'Center for the Study of Murphy's Law' (Closed today because everything that could go wrong, did go wrong.)

"Yeah, Eddie, but think about it this way - We don't have to comply with ANYTHING!"

'This is the most positive thing I've done all year.'

"And we need some Christmas cards too. . . Get the ones made from recycled paper. . . no point wasting trees. . ."

Mind reader: "You're thinking, 'This is really stupid...people can't read minds'." "How'd she know that?"

'I don't share my toilet water. I don't know where your mouth has been.'

Mosquito feeding from a blood transfusion bag.

Stay the course.

Man can't open the plastic packaging of his plastic cutter.

'Can I check my emails first?'

'I'm telling you Thog, we're living in a golden age for culture.'

Desert crawler killed by water truck.

"Give it to me straight, Doc. How long do I have to ignore your advice."

So far so good...

'Who ordered 10,000 copies of how to conserve paper?'

Rodney kicked off his new fitness regime by buying a heavier remote control

"I'm not climbing down there to fetch your teeth. Serves you right for spitting."