Irony Pillows

"You had good intentions. Let's find you a nice job paving roads."

Kingdom Hall of Jehovah's Witnesses - No soliciting.

"I can cure your back problem, but there's a risk that you'll be left with nothing to talk about."

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

'Well at least your washing up arm is O.K!'

"I'm excited to leave this party we're going to."

"I'll give you 3 to 1 nobody else turns up."

I'm fully aware of the mission for a paperless society, but can I please have a toilet-roll for the gents?

"My God—do you suppose it can read?!"

Complaints about how we handled your complaint.

'It's sort of a shooting pain.' 'Does it hurt?'

'I only make predictions in retrospect.'

A vending machine is dispensing free lunches for $10

Fendi Bag Lady

'The bad news is, there is no cure for the common cold. The good news is, I think you have pneumonia.'

"Excuse me, we're out of water."

Giant hedgehog runs over a car.

'I'm sorry, this is the line for people who volunteered to help their community. You're looking for the eternal damnation department.'

'You've not been involved with money laundering before have you Joe!'

'Center for the Study of Murphy's Law' (Closed today because everything that could go wrong, did go wrong.)

'I deplore the lack of internet privacy and so do 5,000 of my Facebook friends,'

"Yeah, Eddie, but think about it this way - We don't have to comply with ANYTHING!"

'This is the most positive thing I've done all year.'

"And we need some Christmas cards too. . . Get the ones made from recycled paper. . . no point wasting trees. . ."

'I don't share my toilet water. I don't know where your mouth has been.'

Stay the course.

Mosquito feeding from a blood transfusion bag.

Mind reader: "You're thinking, 'This is really stupid...people can't read minds'." "How'd she know that?"

'Can I check my emails first?'

Man can't open the plastic packaging of his plastic cutter.

"Give it to me straight, Doc. How long do I have to ignore your advice."

Desert crawler killed by water truck.

'I'm telling you Thog, we're living in a golden age for culture.'

So far so good...

'Who ordered 10,000 copies of how to conserve paper?'