Irony Appreciate Pillows

The Obese Sign Holder for Health Foods and Slim Gym.

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

"Ironically, this is the living room."

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

"I don't think you're getting enough stress."

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

"Technology isn't making me smarter. It's allowing me to be dumb, faster."

"This is the perfect way to watch movies if you love mosquitoes and having a cold, wet butt."

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

"I bought it off the therapist who's helping me kick my compulsive shopping disorder."

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

'I've decided to step down as your CEO in order to spend more time in jail...'

"All natural snow cones for sale."

"I've no idea. Maybe it's the slumber channel."

"That report on corporate redundancy... I'd like it in triplicate."

Men looking at black screen, "I call it film noir"

"Would you relax? All you guys are so tense. I just wanted to tell you to your face how enigmatic I find you."

"Hue More Church Candlelight mass 7:00pm - 8:00pm"

'I don't believe it. Five minutes after he gets the darn thing, he has an arrest!'

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

'Dear Diarrhea, Day 84. Well, I'm constipated again today...'

Freedom comes at a cost. We must be willing to pay the ultimate price. Retail.

Always empty your fridge before starting a diet.

"You've changed."

"It says: 'The teamwork that got you here is the real treasure.' Aww."

'Dang it, I just washed this street. Boy, every time...'

"The tests confirms you have short-term memory loss."

"It's a cage. It's gilded, and I love it."

Turd - 'It's one of a kind.'