Irony Appreciater Pillows

Low self esteem workshop - 'You missed it. It finished two hours ago, you useless pillock.'

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

"Are you insane?!" The Velveteen Skunk

"Ironically, this is the living room."

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

I've been teaching art history for decades. Students today ask new kinds of questions. No, I doubt a gluten-free menu option was available that evening. Nope, the artist was not making a statement about climate change. No, despite the umbrellas, this is not about sun exposure safety. Well, yes, I suppose you can say it's a selfie.

"Fish needs a bigger bowl."

"I don't think you're getting enough stress."

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

"Where else in the world would you get such wonderful sunsets?"

King Arthur on the lake trying to open letters when the lady of the lake offers a letter opener.

The Ray Bradbury classic, 'The Car Alarm.'

"Technology isn't making me smarter. It's allowing me to be dumb, faster."

"This is the perfect way to watch movies if you love mosquitoes and having a cold, wet butt."

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

Bob had to confront his fear of butterflies.

A small snooker player chalking his cue.

"I bought it off the therapist who's helping me kick my compulsive shopping disorder."

"Yo, Eunice – don’t leave me hangin’."

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

Woman uses a remote control to turn on the sunset.

"Whales eat billions of tiny shrimp-like creatures called krill. The krill are free but whales spend a fortune on dental floss."

Dog chews 'The Cat Book'.

T"ruly, Susan, I envy no man."

'A cheeky red?'

'I've decided to step down as your CEO in order to spend more time in jail...'

"I think therefore I am." "Bow Wow, Bow Wow, Bow Wow."

"Who's got the hammer?"

"All natural snow cones for sale."

"Please ask your pet to kindly put down the weapon."

"Would you relax? All you guys are so tense. I just wanted to tell you to your face how enigmatic I find you."

'You're through around here.. turn in your rubber donut!'