Ironic Humor Appreciator Pillows

'Let me remind you that all my patients who went for a second opinion are now pshing up daisies.'

Spent it all on self-help books.

Wean yourself off self-help books.

"What did you say your super power was again?"

Thief pushing a man into the operating theatre, a sign on the wall says: Thieves Operating In This Area

'Remain nonchalant. Act like I'm just buying a burger.'

"That is not an anti-aging pill."

Fool With Initiative

Man with cut off jeans next to 50% off sign

"One is for me, one is for my individual retirement account."

"Hey Tony, you're a young guy. What sort of emoji goes with, 'Pay what you owe us, you lousy bum, or we're coming over there to break your legs'?"

Not even kittens could make this look more bearable.

"Call that a suicide attempt? You're hopeless, Henshaw! Hopeless!"

'Sea' World of Japan: 'Seal clubbing on the hour.'

'Want to bet they're more VHS tapes when we've got a Beta System?'

'Who's stuck?'

Greetings cards copy writer's block.

"My lecture is about our short attention spans and what a lovely day it is I should be walking but tomorrow maybe I’ll cut the grass..."

'A reprieve? No, you've been requested served rare.'

'How's the executive training program, going?'

T-shirts will allegiance to different types of music on, while one guy has a shirt that reads 'middle of the road is all right with me.'

'Al has impeccable manners. He never talks with his mouth full.'

'May I substitute onion rings for fries?'

"But the worst part is that when I was arrested, I was working at the height of my creative powers!"

"If find people express themslves more freely in traffic jams."

"Over here is where all the Bon Jovi fans are."

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

"Are you insane?!" The Velveteen Skunk

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

"Ironically, this is the living room."

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

"Fish needs a bigger bowl."

"I don't think you're getting enough stress."