Ironies Enthusiast Pillows

I used to be a GP, but I wanted a job where I got more public support!

"Living in a city with functional infrastructure must be so boring."

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

"Ironically, this is the living room."

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

"I don't think you're getting enough stress."

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

Though he created more than 300 products from peanuts, George Washington Carver was unable to change even one of them back into a peanut.

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

"This is the perfect way to watch movies if you love mosquitoes and having a cold, wet butt."

"Technology isn't making me smarter. It's allowing me to be dumb, faster."

Bob had to confront his fear of butterflies.

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

'I've decided to step down as your CEO in order to spend more time in jail...'

"All natural snow cones for sale."

Backfire

"No writers were harmed or mistreated in the preparation of this story."

'This country is on the road to ruin.' - 'Well, it'll never get there in this traffic.'

"So then, after I'd invented my time machine, I thought: why not go back and visit the good old days?"

Horror movies

"I've no idea. Maybe it's the slumber channel."

"Would you relax? All you guys are so tense. I just wanted to tell you to your face how enigmatic I find you."

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

'I don't believe it. Five minutes after he gets the darn thing, he has an arrest!'

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.