Irony Connoisseur Pillows

"Y formerly Department of Government Efficiency"

"Ugh...I hate being the third rail."

'It's Christmas, so I brought you TOAST and water!'

Is it a burn? Is it a plauge? No it's Stupidman!

'The U.S. of A. - Guarantor for freedom, humanity and democracy!'

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

"Ironically, this is the living room."

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

Sure, he's a zombie but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

"My dad says we eat honey 'cause it has lots of vitamin Bee."

"I don't think you're getting enough stress."

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

"I said the males were 'evolving' – I didn't say they were 'maturing.'"

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

"Technology isn't making me smarter. It's allowing me to be dumb, faster."

"This is the perfect way to watch movies if you love mosquitoes and having a cold, wet butt."

"I bought it off the therapist who's helping me kick my compulsive shopping disorder."

New and improved! BunkerBuster! Get out of the sand trap every single time - or your money back!!

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

'I've decided to step down as your CEO in order to spend more time in jail...'

"All natural snow cones for sale."

'Tony, you always try to lead.'

"So then, after I'd invented my time machine, I thought: why not go back and visit the good old days?"

"I warned you not to use that club...now look, you struck oil!"