Irony Enthusiasts Pillows

"You should relax less."

"My first choice, of course, is to solve things amicably."

'When I was hired, the boss asked if I could handle a job with lots of accountability, and like an idiot, I said 'Yes!''

Unable to repair the On/Off switch, the electrician simply relabeled it.

'Fetch help quickly...The accident book's fallen on him!

A man is balancing on two chairs to hang a 'safety first' sign.

"See, the problem with doing things to prolong your life is that all the extra years come at the end, when you're old."

Stay the course.

'I begun like you, with nothing but my bare hands. Look at me now! Only 25 years later, I'm begging with my own hat! Geez, I love this country! Everybody can make it here!'

"The economy's never been better. Here's another potato!"

Desert crawler killed by water truck.

'How to time the market' seminar - 2pm, postponed to 3pm, then to 4pm.

'...and to think, forty years ago I gave up smoking and drinking for this.'

'and you promise not to run off, right?'

Book on Time Management in prison.

"I hate to complain, but these are the ugliest bridesmaid gowns I've ever seen."

Sales Upturn

'Now you've signed all your assets over to the bank, I'm happy to lend you your bus fare home.'

"And when did this over-aggressive behavior begin to manifest itself?"

Signwriter doesn't take his own advice to beware.

'Well what a coincidence! I was in property too!'

'We've been sacked!' (Employment tribunal)

"The following is a test of the fire-alarm system. It is only a test. Please ignore the intense heat and combustion."

By some incredible stroke of luck, the staff of the Ontario Art Gallery had put up the sign just moments before the arrival of Bill Gates.

Man dying of thirst in desert reaches water hole with sign - 'Polluted: Drinking this water may be hazardous to your health.'

"We can drastically reduce our costs for the upcoming ethics workshop if I attend by myself and wear a wire."

'I was home schooled. It stands for 'Master of Bedmaking and Aerobic housecleaning'.'

'You'll have to come in over the weekend to attend some training on managing a healthy 'work/life' balance!'

Glue Salesman

"When I see how much it costs to keep someone in prison every year, I'm glad I don't pay any taxes."

Safety is number one

A snowman uses a window cleaning spray to clean the glass.

'I'm being let go. Twenty years I give this place, and that's the thanks I get.'

'I solved all my time management issues once I started this lifestyle.'

'So anyways, I got a great deal on a candle factory from this total sucker and,,, hey, watcha reading'