Irony Aficionados Pillows

'I foresee a nasty fall in your immediate future, but for twenty bucks I can give you a second opinion.'

"Oh, darn, and just as I was beginning to take charge of my life."

'55 minutes? Really? And you call yourself the fastest land mammal?'

"What a couple of clucks we are. Here's another mistake right up here."

Stunning politeness.

'Thanks, it's an English word - it means 'spiritual warrior'.'

'A four-leaf clover! They say it brings luck!'

"There's no way I would ever let my boys play football...it's just too dangerous....!"

'Isn't it ironic that the first three letters in funeral spell fun?'

Ethics committee - 'All right - who stole my gavel?'

Smiley Pall Bearer.

'It's never an easy decision, but if you're looking for something economical, why don't you take a look at out value menu-er...Value model?'

'No sudden moves!'

'I know it wouldn't hurt them to come! Maybe that's why they're not here.'

'The 'Quick Response Team' doesn't answer.'

ACME Trucking: 'How's my driving 555-0825?'

'Pretzel?'

'My thesis was entitled 'Tears of a Clown: Irony or Paradox?''

'Do you have anything right on the beach, but not so near the water?'

THE RIGHT PLACE A THE RIGHT TIME, 'It says they're closed for inventory.'

'Thanks, stranger! I'm an eccentric millionaire who gave away his fortune to good Samaritans, so may I have a buck for a cup of coffee?'

Quaker Mafia

"On the plus side, my back hasn't felt this good in years."

"We're doing our bit to keep crime off the streets Officer. We've been staying in Tuesday and Thursdays."

"Sorry, but the final T bone steak, French fries, eggs and ice cream are off the menu."

"Thank you for shoplifting with us."

"Please take care of my brick."

"'How We Die' - fabulous!"

"L.L. Bean slippers... $25.00 Ambulance ride to hospital... $500.00 X-rays of spine... $350.00 Three refills of hydrocodone... priceless!"

"Alice, do you have any singles? He wants a tip!"

"I forgot your birthday again and I'm 100 percent aware of it."

"I'm in a place right now."

"I hate when this happens."

Prisoner is treated to leg of lamb for dinner.

RIP - Henry Smithe July 7, 1931 - March 2, 2020 (tilted laughing hysterically emoji)