Ironic Humor Aficionados Pillows

'You and your stupid hybrid getaway car!'

Quitting smoking isn't easy!

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

'Yes, I know there's a deadline on this project.'

"So, tell me a little bit more about this house training you mention on your CV."

'Wow, the field really is a frozen tundra!'

'It's a difficult job, he needed a bigger than average 'stress ball'.'

'I don't like heights...maybe that's why I've had so many low points in my life.'

"Hue More Church Candlelight mass 7:00pm - 8:00pm"

"Well, I'm thinking about boarding school. Though I'm not sure they accept adults."

"They're comfortable."

'I'm keeping a scrap book. All I've got so far is one umbilical cord.'

"I know this is not a proper job for a PhD, Mom, but I have student loans to repay."

Joe's 'Take Responsibility For Your Own Actions' Bar.

Multi-Generational Books

"Darling... I think the Baby's been eating the fridge magnets again."

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

Dickens & Tolstoy Walk into a Bar: " . . . so, to make a short story long . . . "

Unemotional Support Animal

Man enters a palm reading establishment carrying a tropical plant.

Thrift: have your arms and legs amputated, use a pillow for a bed!

"Congratulations. It's a chick."

"Yeah, I don't like this part either."

Stairlift around cliff face.

"She wishes to range free!"

'Don't be alarmed if you hear the toilet flush a lot. Since you don't feel well, I thought I'd wash the dishes for you.'

King on the toilet whilst jester laughs because the toilet paper is out of reach.

6,000 BC: Neolithic Barbecue

"...And that's how to translate honey into money."