Ironic Humor Fans Pillows

'We must be the meatballs.'

'Why do people always assume I download my music illegally?'

'A most powerful, moving and scary book - botanists will love it!'

Pay Hospital Bill Here.

The Shopped Elsewhere: 'They take their loyalty card scheme very seriously at this supermarket.'

'Don't do it son. Trust me, no matter how cool it seems now, you could regret a tattoo in a few years.' (Tattoo reads Gary Glitter's Number One Fan).

'You really shouldn't eat food that are out of season.'

'Waiter. Tonight, we're pulling out all the stops! Get her the steak special and I'll have the pork chops.'

'But, how can we be sure he's not endangered?'

Wal -Martyrs

'Well, the marriage guidance counsellor advised us to share each others interests, didn't she?'

"I thought about going into business but I couldn't stand the sight of greed."

"How insulting! I'm not that shallow! I would never vote for him because he's Latino! I'd vote for him because he's so cute!"

"Why don't I have a psychiatrist's couch? Funny, my psychiatrist asked me the same thing."

"It's a man purse, but I have a gun in it."

'It's not about winning or losing, it's about endorsements.'

Dog urinates on statue.

How to go broke in a nudist colony: 'Andre's clothing for the family...NO shoe, NO shirts, NO service!'

'No thanks, I've given up, I just come out for a bit of passive smoking...'

'We're gonna be here twenty years, so maybe we should keep in practice by swiping stuff from each other.'

'Mum! I'm hungry.' - 'It's not long until your tea. Have a crust!' - 'I had a crust yesterday.' - 'Well, it's a crust or nothing.' - 'I bet this is what communism is like.'

'She looks good because it's not natural. It's all plastic.'

"Wouldn't this one look nice shrivelled up in the kitchen?"

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

'Alas, poor Yorick, I knew you well. But dude, you're creeping me out, so I gotta un-friend you!'

Backfire

"Look! No hands!"

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

"Consider yourself lucky that you only got a little shaken up in that dryer--socks get lost in that thing and aren't ever seen again.'

'-and you're living proof that ALL men are not born equal, runt!'

'Of course I stretched first. That's how I hurt myself.'

"Unbelievable! A tick!"

"I've never heard of it, either, but nothing ventured, nothing gained, I always say!"

"I can never remember - do these go in garbage or compost?"