Ironic Humor Fanatic Pillows

'We want the most vulnerable...I suggest the one with the Blue Rinse.'

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

"So then, after I'd invented my time machine, I thought: why not go back and visit the good old days?"

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

"It says 'break glass' but it doesn't say what glass!'

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

Unpopular Street Signs: Road Work Behind, Speed Jump Ahead, Good Luck, Slow Distracted Adults.

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

'The meek shall inherit the Earth!'

"And we are proud to say we only use the freshest artificial ingredients."

"Well, look at the bright side, Timmy — you're 100 percent wrong."

'Dang it, I just washed this street. Boy, every time...'

"Look! No hands!"

'Taxes are going up, but that's no excuse to earn less, Mr. Syms.'

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

Emergency Phone.

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

'We're going to need to find a scapegoat.'

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

Trappist Monk Discord

"We'll destroy it to the ground ... ...and then..."

'Half-baked beans, low fat variety' "Who says we have no taste?"

Trump Poutine

"I've never heard of it, either, but nothing ventured, nothing gained, I always say!"

"After a long day or remote work, it feels great to change into something less comfortable."

'Of course I stretched first. That's how I hurt myself.'

'-and you're living proof that ALL men are not born equal, runt!'

Bookstore, the Politically Incorrect Guide to You.

'There will be no raises this year since the state now has a lottery.'

"Never mind, Harry. Just remember, the 'Saturday Review' loved it."

Businessman sees door sign 'Department of Mismanagement and Overbudget'.