Ironic Humor Fanatic Pillows

'We want the most vulnerable...I suggest the one with the Blue Rinse.'

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

"So then, after I'd invented my time machine, I thought: why not go back and visit the good old days?"

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

"It says 'break glass' but it doesn't say what glass!'

"Look! No hands!"

Unpopular Street Signs: Road Work Behind, Speed Jump Ahead, Good Luck, Slow Distracted Adults.

'Taxes are going up, but that's no excuse to earn less, Mr. Syms.'

"Well, look at the bright side, Timmy — you're 100 percent wrong."

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

'Dang it, I just washed this street. Boy, every time...'

"And we are proud to say we only use the freshest artificial ingredients."

'The meek shall inherit the Earth!'

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

'Of course I stretched first. That's how I hurt myself.'

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

"I've never heard of it, either, but nothing ventured, nothing gained, I always say!"

'-and you're living proof that ALL men are not born equal, runt!'

Emergency Phone.

"We'll destroy it to the ground ... ...and then..."

'We're going to need to find a scapegoat.'

'There will be no raises this year since the state now has a lottery.'

"After a long day or remote work, it feels great to change into something less comfortable."

Bookstore, the Politically Incorrect Guide to You.

Trump Poutine

'Half-baked beans, low fat variety' "Who says we have no taste?"

Trappist Monk Discord

"Never mind, Harry. Just remember, the 'Saturday Review' loved it."

Businessman sees door sign 'Department of Mismanagement and Overbudget'.