Ironic Humor Aficionado Pillows

No Trespassing - Official Government Wetlands.

'No fortune cookies please - I don't want to get my hopes up.'

"This is fun. Too bad about Frank."

This is what Fred gets for wishing for more hair.

"The next song was sixties anthem for the youth subculture of revolution, anarchy and anti-establishment...and can now be heard in elevators worldwide."

"All I'm getting is the effects of global warming on the ice cap..."

Self-help section

'He should have planned his wardrobe this morning - his Flies undone...'

'I know you felt great after ten laps around the track, Mr. Fandella, but remember you were driving.'

"Be fair, a lottery win only goes so far."

Cat reading Rommel biography.

Soft answer that turneth away wrath bar and grill...formerly, Salty's

He came off as being friendly, in a wooden kind of way.

"It's said to be haunted by the ghost of the fifth earl, who fell on hard times."

"Sorry, I'm late. I was at Miss Huerta's house and I couldn't get away!"

"Needles scare him."

"I brought my own bag."

"Of course people don't hate you! I put up with you, don't I?"

"Oh, that's Mr Norris. He's our risk analyst."

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

"Look! No hands!"

'Of course I stretched first. That's how I hurt myself.'

"I've never heard of it, either, but nothing ventured, nothing gained, I always say!"

Trappist Monk Discord

'-and you're living proof that ALL men are not born equal, runt!'

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

'What does it say, Dad?'

"Grapes, Rye, Malt... I got into this through my vegetarianism."

"Nous somme desir-eh, go, er, allez, erm, universitaire français, s'il vous plait."

Gardening Calendar: January - The Snow will be deep now...get out into the garden...

Winter Weather.

'I found the home maintenance manual in the attic. I think it's got mildew.'

HELLth Food Sprouts

'If I believed in aptitude tests I'd still be washing cars in Accrington,.'