Ironic Humor Fan Pillows

"Don't talk to me about suffering - in my spare time, I'm a writer."

How often do you answer random questions?

"That's what I love about social media. I can have connections with thousands of people and yet still be completely isolated and alone."

'If you want produce grown on the farm down the road you'll have to go to Kuala Lumpur.'

Animal Book Club

"O.K., her mouth is full—run over and ask her if everything is O.K.!"

'Have you got any of that white stuff?'

'Before I read the investment committee's report - I would remind everyone that I never asked to be on this damn committee.'

"Hi! It's me...I've gone off the rails"

Winter Weather.

'Okay...everything looks good on your contact information... oh wait! We need your email address...'

"I much prefer the snow!"

"Do I look like a wise man to you?"

"Could I have some privacy? It's my boyfriend."

TV message reads 'Please stand by. We are experiencing technical difficulties.' as a TV satellite plummets to earth outside.

Lost in the desert.

"I never knew I was dyslexic before I came here."

'And you say you died a virgin! That's a sin!'

'Why do they have to be ivory knitting needles?'

'Ask your doctor if getting your fat butt off the couch might be right for you!'

'Oh no, the chickens have killed another fox.'

Noblesse Oblige Explained

Enemies of Bill W. Pub

"Next song's called Dirt-poor Boxcar Man which I wrote partly in the VIP lounge at JFK in my private limo on the way here tonight."

'You MUST come! We're inviting all our paranoid friends!'

'He's a very good player. It takes real skill to lose to a boss who plays as badly as his does.'

"I have the results of your PET scan and your CT scan. You are not claustrophobic."

Redundant horse searches for the definition of 'giddy up' online.

man in derelict apartment, God Bless This House with money

'I let my merit badges do the talking.'

'Yes, I suppose it's worth a try - after all we have nothing to lose.'

Man with metal detector finds metal on beach, but it's a buried metal detector and its owner is also dead and buried.

Don't worry Sir, being colour-blind is not much of a problem around here...

'We get the occasional spider but no ants'.

Everything Will Be Different When Things Change