Irony Fans Pillows

Out of Ice.

Man hanging by chains in dungeon, arrow in chest with message saying: 'Help is at hand.'

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

Bumper Sticker

Sticking up an ATM.

A beggar in the loans department of a bank wears a sign which reads; Please give.

Just begging for attention.

Lucky horseshoes

'Have you started you Christmas Swiping yet?'

'If we did have it, we don't now. Have you tried Lost and Found?'

'Don't anthropomorphize.'

'I've never felt so dadburn wanted before!'

"She's been an hour and it's only for an estimate."

"I don't like the way the new pastor is looking at his flock."

U2's Bono named in Paradise papers tax scandal

"Living in a city with functional infrastructure must be so boring."

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

Though he created more than 300 products from peanuts, George Washington Carver was unable to change even one of them back into a peanut.

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Bob had to confront his fear of butterflies.

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

Backfire

'This country is on the road to ruin.' - 'Well, it'll never get there in this traffic.'

Horror movies

"So then, after I'd invented my time machine, I thought: why not go back and visit the good old days?"

"No writers were harmed or mistreated in the preparation of this story."

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

"It says 'break glass' but it doesn't say what glass!'

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

"Well, look at the bright side, Timmy — you're 100 percent wrong."