Irony Aficionado Pillows

"Admit it, we're lost."

Do it yourself - Get someone else to do it

No Soliciting. Especially if it's for a good cause.

'I don't share my toilet water. I don't know where your mouth has been.'

"If you've got a complaint put it in writing!"

'My son is a corporate communications director. He never calls and he never writes.'

Curing Hemorrhoids Seminar

"Wait! Come Back!"

'Have you tried limping?'

'That concludes my prepared remarks. I will now skillfully evade questions from the audience.'

"You've solved 1 problem by creating 10 problems, you certainly are executive material"

Good News / Bad News

"Well, I'll be darned. They had just walked away."

'Here's mine, water dominates, dress warm as you enter a chilly phrase...'

Health and safety officer Hedley seconds before he became ex-health and safety officer...

'Captain! There aren't enough noodles!!' - (Ship- ACME Novelty Co,)

World ends tomorrow.

Bob hated his motivational poster as much as it hated him.

When victim impact statements go horribly wrong.

He never could fit in.

'Excuse me, your stockings are wrinkled.'

'Let's call it even; you sell me the phony Louis Vuitton and I'll pay for it with this phony hundred.'

Man in front of Stop sign smelling roses.

Safes for sale

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

"Oh, look- French! Let's try it."

'Well, if you're in such a hurry, why did you order snails?'

'Communist.'

'It's just as the sign says, you've got the loan for 24 hours.'

"I just found out a hacker stole my identity crisis."

'Well, to be honest, I am a little surprised. You look so much taller on TV.'

'The one hope we have for repeat customers is amnesia.'

Bernie Madoff finally behind bars: Hey boys! Anyone interested in sound financial advice?

"Bill is in charge of our Ethics Department."

Look,does it really matter what bloody shape it is?