Irony Afficionado Pillows

"Well, the drug's no good, but the side effects are bitchin'."

'You got mail! It says you may already be a winner!'

It is important to give your dog opportunities to play with people.

The Department of Really Stupid Ideas: 'Most people think they just appear out of thin air! But the truth is, there's a great deal of very hard work involved!'

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

Project Length As Measured In Dog Years

Zombie standup

'The proliferation of bird watchers make me more and more self-conscious...'

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."

"What's a patent?"

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Men find this shampoo irresistible. It's called 'Gee, Your Hair Smells Like A New Car'.

'I hate to be so skeptical, but I still think the seance business is a hoax!'

Desk trays - 'in', 'out', and 'one of these days'.

'The history of Glue. It's impossible to put down.'

"Cat box"

Easter Island legs

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

'It's a deal, lets sniff bottoms!'

Love at First Sight

"How long will we, the descendants of wolves, be content with table scraps and belly rubs?"

"Don't even interact with him. He just likes to say 'Kalamazoo.'"

"Of all the buildings I've designed, it's probably the most handsome."

'Now I kinda wish we had planned a bigger wedding.'

The Fourth Little Pig

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'

"When I was your age. I was really smelly."

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings