Humor Afficionado Pillows

"Get all the second opinions you want, doctor, …. You'll still be a quart low."

'...First he wants some independence, then he wants to separate...and then he says NO I want to stay together!'

Johnny Cash Cow: 'I've got some great seats at the back.'

Superman on Fantasy Island

Cats are from Mars, Dogs are from Venus

'I just hope that when my time comes they treat me with more respect then they did the goldfish.'

Car on road, sees sign 'Road Plant Ahead' then comes across a plant on the road.

'You're going on vacation? May I go with you?'

'Cool - slowfood!'

Covid Restrictions

It is important to give your dog opportunities to play with people.

The Department of Really Stupid Ideas: 'Most people think they just appear out of thin air! But the truth is, there's a great deal of very hard work involved!'

Project Length As Measured In Dog Years

Zombie standup

'The proliferation of bird watchers make me more and more self-conscious...'

"What's a patent?"

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."

Men find this shampoo irresistible. It's called 'Gee, Your Hair Smells Like A New Car'.

"Why do they do that?"

'I hate to be so skeptical, but I still think the seance business is a hoax!'

Desk trays - 'in', 'out', and 'one of these days'.

'The history of Glue. It's impossible to put down.'

Love at First Sight

"Cat box"

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

'It's a deal, lets sniff bottoms!'

Easter Island legs

"How long will we, the descendants of wolves, be content with table scraps and belly rubs?"

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'

'Now I kinda wish we had planned a bigger wedding.'

Clown teaches how to speak Jibberish

"When I was your age. I was really smelly."

"Don't even interact with him. He just likes to say 'Kalamazoo.'"

The Fourth Little Pig