Humor Afficionado Pillows

"Get all the second opinions you want, doctor, …. You'll still be a quart low."

'...First he wants some independence, then he wants to separate...and then he says NO I want to stay together!'

Johnny Cash Cow: 'I've got some great seats at the back.'

"When I said you were instrumental to this company, the instrument I had in mind was a kazoo."

Randy, great news: I've become a person of faith. Which faith? The main one. the hip one. you know - the one used in all the red states. Or maybe the one Madonna and Tom Cruise are into. Either way, I'm deeply committed. You should be.

Superman on Fantasy Island

Cats are from Mars, Dogs are from Venus

'I just hope that when my time comes they treat me with more respect then they did the goldfish.'

Car on road, sees sign 'Road Plant Ahead' then comes across a plant on the road.

'You're going on vacation? May I go with you?'

'Cool - slowfood!'

Covid Restrictions

It is important to give your dog opportunities to play with people.

The Department of Really Stupid Ideas: 'Most people think they just appear out of thin air! But the truth is, there's a great deal of very hard work involved!'

Project Length As Measured In Dog Years

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

Zombie standup

"Do you want to pretend to be a doctor and I'll pretend to be a hotshot civil litigation attorney who sues you till your ears bleed?"

Hey, calm down --- Now, what did you say again?

'The proliferation of bird watchers make me more and more self-conscious...'

"What's a patent?"

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."

Men find this shampoo irresistible. It's called 'Gee, Your Hair Smells Like A New Car'.

'The history of Glue. It's impossible to put down.'

"Why do they do that?"

'I hate to be so skeptical, but I still think the seance business is a hoax!'

Desk trays - 'in', 'out', and 'one of these days'.

Love at First Sight

Easter Island legs

'It's a deal, lets sniff bottoms!'

"Cat box"

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

Build your very own conflict of interest!

"How long will we, the descendants of wolves, be content with table scraps and belly rubs?"

"Of all the buildings I've designed, it's probably the most handsome."