Humour Aficionado Pillows

"Let's see which cartoonist or comedian needs to be burned on the pyre of cancel culture today!"

It is important to give your dog opportunities to play with people.

The Department of Really Stupid Ideas: 'Most people think they just appear out of thin air! But the truth is, there's a great deal of very hard work involved!'

The Games Man: Fishing is his sole form of exercise - but he considers it bad form to move more than his wrist when casting.

'I'm reading aloud, Jeremy - My lips are SUPPOSED to be moving!'

"Welcome to the bank - you'll start at the bottom."

"Yes. I said 2 by 2, but you needed to use 2 by 4s for the Ark...begin again."

Project Length As Measured In Dog Years

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

"Go ahead and eat her, she's a pain in the a**."

"Do you want to pretend to be a doctor and I'll pretend to be a hotshot civil litigation attorney who sues you till your ears bleed?"

Hey, calm down --- Now, what did you say again?

Zombie standup

Police Feline Unit

"Thor! I am Thor! Ha. Just kidding. I'm Tom the Seagull."

'The proliferation of bird watchers make me more and more self-conscious...'

Formal SuitsBusiness SuitsBirthday Suits.

"Clear my schedule for the next five minutes. I feel the need for some spontaneous frivolity."

"What's a patent?"

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."

Men find this shampoo irresistible. It's called 'Gee, Your Hair Smells Like A New Car'.

Desk trays - 'in', 'out', and 'one of these days'.

'Joe took the day off to go to the ball game. So I'll be sitting in for him until he gets back. Would you like me to fetch you something?'

'The history of Glue. It's impossible to put down.'

"Why do they do that?"

'I hate to be so skeptical, but I still think the seance business is a hoax!'

'Well, it's your fault for wearing my slippers.'

Easter Island legs

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

Build your very own conflict of interest!

'Think I preferred the old Irish barman.'

"I call it 'Bad Dog.'"

'It's a deal, lets sniff bottoms!'

'Why didn't he take 8 days and finish the job properly?'