Humor Aficionada Pillows

'Am I old enough to start point-shaving?'

It is important to give your dog opportunities to play with people.

The Department of Really Stupid Ideas: 'Most people think they just appear out of thin air! But the truth is, there's a great deal of very hard work involved!'

The Games Man: Fishing is his sole form of exercise - but he considers it bad form to move more than his wrist when casting.

'I'm reading aloud, Jeremy - My lips are SUPPOSED to be moving!'

"Welcome to the bank - you'll start at the bottom."

Project Length As Measured In Dog Years

"Thor! I am Thor! Ha. Just kidding. I'm Tom the Seagull."

Zombie standup

Police Feline Unit

"Go ahead and eat her, she's a pain in the a**."

'The proliferation of bird watchers make me more and more self-conscious...'

Formal SuitsBusiness SuitsBirthday Suits.

"Clear my schedule for the next five minutes. I feel the need for some spontaneous frivolity."

"What's a patent?"

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."

Men find this shampoo irresistible. It's called 'Gee, Your Hair Smells Like A New Car'.

'Joe took the day off to go to the ball game. So I'll be sitting in for him until he gets back. Would you like me to fetch you something?'

Desk trays - 'in', 'out', and 'one of these days'.

'Well, it's your fault for wearing my slippers.'

'I hate to be so skeptical, but I still think the seance business is a hoax!'

"Why do they do that?"

'The history of Glue. It's impossible to put down.'

Easter Island legs

'It's a deal, lets sniff bottoms!'

Love at First Sight

'Think I preferred the old Irish barman.'

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

"I call it 'Bad Dog.'"

'Why didn't he take 8 days and finish the job properly?'

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."