Irony Afficionado Gifts

"Well, the drug's no good, but the side effects are bitchin'."

'You got mail! It says you may already be a winner!'

It is important to give your dog opportunities to play with people.

The Department of Really Stupid Ideas: 'Most people think they just appear out of thin air! But the truth is, there's a great deal of very hard work involved!'

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

Project Length As Measured In Dog Years

Zombie standup

Hey, calm down --- Now, what did you say again?

"Do you want to pretend to be a doctor and I'll pretend to be a hotshot civil litigation attorney who sues you till your ears bleed?"

'The proliferation of bird watchers make me more and more self-conscious...'

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

"What's a patent?"

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."

Men find this shampoo irresistible. It's called 'Gee, Your Hair Smells Like A New Car'.

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

'I hate to be so skeptical, but I still think the seance business is a hoax!'

Desk trays - 'in', 'out', and 'one of these days'.

'The history of Glue. It's impossible to put down.'

Easter Island legs

'It's a deal, lets sniff bottoms!'

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

"Cat box"

Build your very own conflict of interest!

Love at First Sight

"How long will we, the descendants of wolves, be content with table scraps and belly rubs?"

Clown teaches how to speak Jibberish

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

'Now I kinda wish we had planned a bigger wedding.'

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

"Of all the buildings I've designed, it's probably the most handsome."